The Bachelor-Week 8, Part 2

Two nights in a row this week. First of all you’re welcome. Secondly I feel so mysterious. Kinda like when Dorthy and the rest of those weirdos went to Oz and found the wizard was just some regular dude talking shit behind a curtain. You’re telling me he couldnt have gotten an office down the hall? The best place for him to hide was right behind a curtain in the same room as them? Everything else in that movie made sense but that part, they totally lost me….Anyways I feel like a wizard.

With the season winding down the mystery of Clare’s Necklace is finally solved……You know how its been driving me crazy all season? Well I found out
Well I cant wait to see another failed relationship end in Beautiful St. Lucia. Lets start this shit show.
Clare’s Date-
Well I have to start by saying she is gorgeous as ever. I love how Clare Said “If Juan Pablo asks me to stay in the fantasy suite”….Ummmm Its coming dummy so get ready. And very graceful of her to pretend she is a good girl and debating weather or not to go. We all know she is probably setting up the sex swing as we speak.
Another date on a yaught (yaaaaaawn). I have seen way too many rap videos to be impressed by this.
Beeeee Yoooouu Beeeeee Yooooouu. Boner alert! This flirty little vixen with that white dress. Oh my. She is killing that dress.
Date card- Oh my gosh. I wonder what it could be. This isnt the grammys. Open it open it open it. Stoked that Juan Pablo is ok with staying the night with 3 women on tv but swimming with 1 in the ocean is a big No No for Camilla to see. Maybe he just ate and he didnt wait to proper amount of time. I guess that would be a bad thing to teach your daughter.
Why am I jealous right now? Fuck that guy…..(rolling my eyes hella hard). Annnnnnnnnd she just said she is falling in love with him. Fuggin Bitch. I hope they get naked and she sees he has a little weiner and fly’s back to Sacramento.
Andi’s Date-

Andi looks amazing too. I think she is still pretty but I don’t see them together. Rule #1, Never high five a woman.
LMAO. Andi just asked the little kid whats your favorite drink in the whole world….hahahaha. I cant imagine this 4 year old is a world traveler at this point not to mention he lives on a small island and most likely will never leave….So coconut water is his answer Andi. The same shit he has been drinking everyday of his short life.
Andi is ridiculously gorgeous but such a dud. At least she said yes to the fantasy suite. I would hate for Juan Pablo to not have sex 3 nights in a row. Such a nice room. I wonder if it still smells like Clare’s sweaty bunn’s. Its cool how he is wearing the same thing in the morning. Walking around with the Dirty D. Hope he showered before he bones Nikki.
Wait….turn of events. Stand by………………….OH NOOOOOO. She couldn’t wait to get out of the suite? And she said he didn’t care about her past or her feelings and always turned it into him and his story. Was the last girl I dated in that fantasy suite too? Damn, everything Andi is saying makes complete sense. NOW I finally like her. Well way to go Juan stupid Pablo. Way to blow it. She called it perfectly I think.
The shots of her standing there looking upset are ultra dramatic. Good work ABC.
Nikki’s Date-
Damn Nikki. Thanks for pulling your boobs out so soon. She is not fukin around tonight. I’m torn now because I don’t want Nikki or Clare to be with him now after hearing Andi. I hate him more now. I am so glad she finally took those hideous pants off. What the shit were those all about? If you own those throw them out now.
Does a woman want to be told she is cute? I wouldn’t think so but that’s just me. Shit. Maybe that’s why I am single. I throw words around like Pretty, Beautiful, gorgeous etc.
Video message. Its about to go down…..Andi is pissed. Probably because she just had to walk a mile to get to him. She couldnt get a ride? Rude.
It’s ok…..It’s ok.
OMG I hate this guy so much right now. Why do we out source our talent these days? He is clueless. Absolutely clueless. Either he doesn’t understand the english language or is just an asshole.
“What my religion?”…..Catholic……(silence) What an idiot. That poor poor guy. He doesnt even get it. Andi is right.
Ladies and gentlemen our newest Bachelorette, Andi.
Clare looks amazing once again in the pink and black dress. Super hot. And did I mention I love stripes? haha. Nikki looks gorgeous too. I want to lick Clare’s boob glisten.
So here’s the thing. If you put 1 guy in a room with 20 women, they are all going to fight for his attention. He might not even be that good looking but its a natural thing to compete and they start to make it a competition and not about finding love. It wasnt as dramatic as I expected but I am glad Andi left. I think she called it right.


  1. First of all, B, in case you are still unsure, it’s ok. Ess ok. Iss ok, it’s ok. Ok?

    Hmmm. Oz – that’s interesting.

    Clare is so pretty. It sometimes bothers me the way she moves her lips when she’s making a point, like she’s trying pouty lips too much or something, but I still like her. I almost don’t want her to be the last hoe standing so that she can be the bachelorette. I think she would be more interesting. They totally boned in that room…for sure, and her dress was awesome. If I ever go shopping, I’m totally going to buy one like it…(J will love it.)

    Andi – snore ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, even her break up bored me. She’s so friggin insecure and annoying. When she said, “stop saying Ok,” She meant, “ask me not to go.” She walked around that for so long that I almost fast forwarded. Thank God for twitter to keep me entertained during her date. And she couldn’t wait to leave the fantasy suite…probably because JP was lying next to her snoring…because she’s so friggin boring. Please do not let her be the next Bachelorette. I can’t even watch one of her dates, much less an entire season. I would rather see Nikki or Claire or Dog Lover or Free Spirit..for realz.

    Nikki – wow – what was that bikini top? Did it have extra boobs in it b/c her boobs haven’t made that much of an appearance all season. But those pants…no just no. I do like the different colored top and bottoms combo in a bikini. I like Nikki more now, but I’m still Team Clare.

    Andi’s shorts looked liked the doily on my grandmother’s dining room table. And she wore yet another ugly one piece. I think we can safely say that I’m not going to miss her.

    What you said about the girls all competing just b/c he’s the bachelor – that is the exact reason why my husband won’t watch it with me. He’s said those word verbatim more than once

    Women tell all next week – and Kat got a really bad spray tan. Iss not ok. Can’t wait.

    P.S. Longest comment ever

    P.P.S. All of them

    1. Even if I was the bachelor, I could get 20 something girls to somehow convince themselves that I was the one for them….even when Im not. Its all about the setting. those ladies would have 20x better chance at meeting a good guy at a bar or anywhere else. they could hand select their potential husband. On this show you are kinda forced. right?
      I hope Clare and Nikki have a slow motion pillow fight in their bra and panties. yum

  2. I didn’t watch but my friend sent me this text during it – she was either drunk or is worse at spelling and grammar than I realized: “Omg Juan is using these spend the night cards just to get boned…it is do clear he not going to purpose to any of these chicks”. I hope he doesn’t “purpose” any of these chicks because that just sounds awkward and painful…just like the show!

  3. After watching every single episode of every single season of this stupid, stupid show, I am boycotting this season. Juan Paulo…blech. But this sentence “Well way to go Juan stupid Pablo.” kind of makes me wish I was seeing the stupidity for myself. Well done!! –Lisa

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s