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I am alone…..I am not lonely. There is a difference.

I feel like lately a lot of people are asking me why I am single. At first I was kinda offended and it makes me feel like a loser. Its like asking a fat person why they are fat. Or a skinny person why they are skinny. I don’t need anyone pointing out the fact that I am single. I am well aware but I think I am a pretty good catch.Maybe I just don’t want to be caught. Am I the only one who feels like this? I sure hope not.

I guess the short answer is that I am scared. I have said this a million times but I don’t mind screwing up my own life but I would never want to screw up someone else’s. Especially if there are kids involved. I have been in some really good relationships in my life and suffered major heart break…..and this fuggin’ sucked so bad. I don’t think I am scared to be hurt, I think I am scared of hurting. There is something in my bones to where when times get tough I have no problem saying “Ok, that’s it!”….and then split. I cant describe it but its in me. And what if I was married and have kids? How could I do that to my family? Would I? I have no clue but I guess I don’t even want to have to find out the hard way. I guess the older that I get, the more I think. I don’t think 35 year old me thinks the same as 21 year old me but all I know is what I have done or experienced.

Do I just need to man up? I don’t want to date someone just to date them. I am NOT bored. I don’t want to dive into something unless there is immediate chemistry. Everyone, and I mean everyone thinks that I am picky but Fuk that! I have to be. I don’t want just anyone. I want the right one. When you know, you just know.

My favorite thing to tell people, especially my Mom is ” I am alone. I am not lonely. There is a difference.”

Please do not pity me. I am right where I need to be at this point in my life.

If you read this far, the highest of Fives!

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The internet is a real place y’all

I just got back from my first ever trip to Texas and I have been struggling on what I wanted to share from my vacation. You all wont care about my drinking experiences or the fact the I saw Jerry Springer at a bar…..Y’all want to hear about me meeting a fellow blogger of yours. Right? Well let me share my story with you because you all need to be aware of how amazing this person is.

My buddy and I had planned a trip to Texas for ACL-Austin City Limits for months and I was incredibly excited to finally go. I couldn’t tell if it was the bands I was going to see, The places I was going to visit, or the experiences I was going to have, But I was nervous. Not scared nervous but more like anxious nervous. Let me back up a bit. For the last few years I have been in a pool for the TV show the Bachelor/ette and somehow I end up writing a weekly email to the group pretty much bashing the contestants. It all started by me thinking someone on Facebook was cute and I added her as a friend. She would posts things on Mondays about the show and I would always comment. Come to find out she was in a big pool with a bunch of ladies. I wanted in. I figured I watched the show anyways….right? How is that gay? You’re gay!! Anyways, So I finally got an invite to be in the group and here I am today talking about it. Through this group I stayed in contact with a few of the ladies and have become really good friends with them. No, I have never met any of the women from this group…..Until now. Most of you know her as Cellulite looks better tan, But I know her as one of my bests friends. We have been chatting for a long time and we really have grown to know each other very well. She is nothing short of amazing and has the most adorable, loving family. I don’t know them, but I can imagine.

So here is the story of how we met in person.

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First day of the Festival I knew I was going to meet Mandi for the first time, and was nervous. We were texting all morning about meeting and and I wanted her to feel comfortable and not weird about it. Or maybe that was me. I was at a stage where our favorite band was playing and I kept looking around for her. Crap! “Sleep baby sleep” was being played by Broods and its one of our favorite songs. One of the things we have in common is music and we connect on that level. I text her and she could hear it but wasn’t in the park yet. I wanted her to be there so bad for this song but at least she could hear it. I recorded it for her so I could send to her later. The moment arrived. She text me that she was in the back of the crowd so I made my way towards her but its like I couldn’t find her fast enough. I scanned the crowd over and over frantically looking for her……And there she was. We locked eyes at the exact same time and I couldn’t get to her quick enough. Good thing for me she was doing a light run towards me and we locked up in the most heart warming embrace that I will never forget. I’m pretty sure to someone who saw us,it was in slow motion. We hugged for what seemed like minutes but what made it more special is that by now her favorite song was being played in the back ground. “Four Walls”. It was a very special moment for the both of us I could tell. The part I didn’t like was after all these months of not seeing her all I wanted to do was look at her, touch her, talk to her, but I couldn’t. We went straight into listening to music and standing by each other watching our favorite band together. Immediately the awkward flew out the window to never be seen again. As soon as the band ended we both took our time to really check each other out. We were actually real people. Not just an internet figure of our imagination anymore. She is as gorgeous as her pictures show and don’t let the Cellulite name fool you. Legs for days. We spent the next 3 days giggling, joking, sweating, dancing, drinking, eating(not me since I was sick), laughing, singing, and just becoming better friends. It was one of the best weekends I have had in such a long time and I wouldn’t replace it for anything in this world.

Listen up everyone. Mandi is a real person. She is not just a person who “likes” your blog posts or comments on your pages, she is a real person. For those of you who don’t know her, I suggest you do. She is nothing short of amazing and I am extremely fortunate that I can call her my friend. She is the most sweetest, beautiful, caring, fun person that I have ever met and I feel bad for you if you haven’t met her. The internet is a real thing. Yes there are a lot of people who use it to hide from themselves and pretend to be someone they cant be in their real lives. Not her. She is so smart and talented and I wish to someday have a fraction of what she has. If you cant tell I admirer her and look up to her more than I could ever put into words. I know we are friends but I really value her as a person and I wont let this friendship slip away. Who knows….Maybe I never see her again, Maybe I will. Although she is not a friend I can see all the time, her and her family will always be in my heart. She doesn’t need to be standing next to me to be with me.
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Don’t hide behind the internet. Embrace it and use it to meet new people. Or do what Mandi does with it….Inspire me to be a better person.

Thanks for everything Mandi. A true honor to be apart of your life.

(3 hand squeezes) Wink

Oh ya! I saw a firefly……..I may or may not have captured it on video.

……….And its coming closer

So if anyone ever pays attention to me or anything that I am about, I love music. I just went to see a band in the city(San Francisco) last Friday and had the best time. Went to see a local band that is no longer together but came back to do one show. Strata….Look them up. Awesome. I was in such a funk last week that I thought nothing would be able to get me out of it. Super depressed and emo for NO REASON at all. I couldnt figure it out but take me out for a show in the city and BAM! Im back. I am going to Oakland on Thursday to see Chvrches which is one of my favorite bands and to top this whole week off I am going to see Interpol too! Music is my world and I cant imagine my life without it. It makes everything better. It makes everything sadder. It makes everything happier. It makes me.

3 weeks and counting and I will be hopping on a plane to Austin, Texas for my first trip to Austin City Limits. ACL if you’re local. Haha. Anyways I have always wanted to go to Texas because in my mind everyone is in cowboy boots and big ole hats. I know its not true but everyone thinks California is all palm trees and beaches….Well I guess it kinda is. Anyways I cant wait to get out of here for a few days, listen to new music, and explore a town I have been dying to go to forever. I promise to whoever is reading this that I will meet every single person humanly possible while I am there and really soak up the experience. I want to be part of everything, do anything, and see it all. Be nice to me Austin and I promise to be nice back.

I cant wait. I am going to party my face off x 10. Looking forward to meeting so many new friends.

Back to my future

I am not sure why but I feel like I need to share this story with someone….but I am going to.

Today during my lunch break I took off with a coworker and went down the street to a local sandwich shop. I waited patiently in line because the area is jam packed during the lunch rush. It was my turn and I walk up to the young kid and ordered my sandwich. He asks me how my day is going and I reply that its not too bad actually. I let him know I was a little tired and needed to refuel with food. He asked me what time I had to work til. I said “Until I am done”. He was shocked by my answer for some reason. Anyway’s we were doing a bit more small talk and eventually he says to me that he still has a few more hours at this lame job then has to leave for school. I asked him what was wrong with the job and he says “It doesn’t pay very well and I feel stupid that I have to work here”….I don’t know what came over me but I felt like I was looking at me 20 years ago or something. I cant explain exactly, but it was weird. I told him Don’t EVER feel ashamed of making an honest living especially while you are going to school. There are people out in the world robbing and stealing for what you are doing honestly everyday. I then pointed to a guy like 5 people back and said See that guy in the suit? Do you think that he gets paid a lot of money? He said I would think so. I said most likely he does but do you think he started out as young as you making that kind of money? And would you guess that he went to school? I seriously felt like I was talking to misguided me as a kid. I explained to him that It didn’t really matter where he went to school, if at all or how much money he made. What mattered was how hard he had to work to get where he wanted to be. I told him that I bet you that guy in the suit worked at a place just like this when he was your age. He is not better than you because of his clothing. He just has more experience with life. I told the kid that if you are the one making his sandwich after I leave to ask him what sort of jobs he had growing up. I bet you will be surprised.

Tomorrow when you walk in to Starbucks to get your coffee and the kid that helps makes a mistake, or acts a bit timid, Its ok…..That was you 20 years ago. That kid is trying to get where you are today and is scared of the world. Don’t let them be afraid. Help them. You are no better than they are. Just older and wiser.

When I was paying I told the kid that I appreciated his hard work and if it wasn’t for him I may not have eaten today. What you think is a “lame job” is actually helping out more people than you realize. Everyone is this world has their role. Its up to you to make sure its always changing. I hope he understood what I was telling him…..He probably didn’t but you never know. He might get it in 20 years.

As I was walking out I told him one last thing.

“Its never too early to start shopping for suits. Have fun getting to where you want to be”

That one song………

Every now and again I hear a song and something about it just moves me. Is it the words? I dont know. Is it the music? I dont know. All that I know is that everything about it combined together just works for me. Love this song and band. Small group from New Zealand who are going to blow up one day and I thought I would spread the word before they do.

Broods. Check them out if you can.

Most amazing song. It really pulls on my heart stings, whatever that means. Your mom has heart strings.

 

 

Did I just go on a date?

In my town they just finished construction on the new home of the San Francisco 49ers and let me tell you….The stadium is sick. Last Saturday they had the very first ever event there and I just had to go. It was for the San Jose Earthquakes soccer. Apparently its a professional team we have that I dont know about because I am not that Mexican. I didnt care what or who was going to be there but I couldnt miss it. I knew I wasnt going to watch the game but I was just going to wonder around and take pics….and drink beers. Mission accomplished. Its only about 10 minutes from my house but since I watch the news I knew it was going to be a straight up cluster fuck trying to get in that zoo. We parked across the street at a golf course. I had an extra ticket so I ended up selling it to my buddies friend and they met us in the parking lot while we tailgated. The chick that bought it was kinda semi cute but no real attraction. Did I just get set up on a blind date? Fuck, I hope not because I dont like that. We had discussed before the game that we both couldnt give a rats about the game and our goal was to drink and eat as much as possible. Done and done. That place was super expensive and I told her the $50 she owed me we would just spend on drinks anyways.

. Everyone pretty much got split up the second we got in the building. So we were in line at one point to get these sausage things that we saw everyone eating and I asked her “ohhh are you going to get the grilled onions and all that stuff” She says ” I don’t know because I feel like we are going to make out later”…..Ummm excuse me? Who do you think I am?……..I told her “well why don’t we just get it out of the way now so that way we can both get it with the onions and peppers, plus we don’t have to stand around like a bunch of 15 year old kids figuring out if we should kiss or not later”….So we shared a little smooch and we both laughed about it. I think it had a lot to do with my sponsor of the evening…..Coors light but that’s besides the point. I dragged her through the crowd by her hand and the rest of the night we joked about being on a date. Everything was like ” are we having our first fight?” or “I think we should break up”. Little stupid jokes like that but it was funny. The stadium shares a parking lot with an amusement park here in San Jose so by the end of the game there were fireworks. I joked and told her that now she can tell everyone she saw fireworks on our first date. hahahah………….Long story short I am pretty sure she thought I was gay. hahahahahahah. Fuckin’ bitch.

She was an esthetician and it came up that I wax my legs. She is going to judge me? She waxes peoples vagina’s and gunk holes and she wants to act like I’m weird?

Moral of the story is if they open a new stadium in your city don’t be called gay in it.

Turn down for what?

Well I can name a few things. How about:
Turn down for bed
Turn Down for work
Turn down for cleaning
Turn down so your neighbors dont get mad at you
Turn down for church
Turn down for eating
Turn down for taking your dog to the dog park
Etc.

I have heard this damn song so much that it makes me miss Gangnam Style. So a little about me…..I love music. I am currently in a music slump so any suggestions would be helpful. I just bought tickets to see my favorite band in Oakland in a few short weeks. Interpol. I cant wait. I also just bought my mom Rascal Flatts tickets for her birthday so that should be fun. I am going to rent a limo and the whole nine. I also have a few Dave Matthews shows to go to later this year but I am kinda over them. I have seen them about 50 times now so you can see why. I still like DMB but I enjoy other music so much more. My most favorite thing I am doing this summer/Oct is ACL(Austin City Limits). I have never even been to Texas before let alone a music festival there. I am super excited and I cant wait to just stroll around and get lost. If you have any tips or places that I must see and get drunk at please let me know.

If you have an album from beginning to end is a must have, please let me know. I am down to try anything at this point and I trust you since you have read this far.

Turn down for traffic

I’m not dead. I promise.

I am certain that nobody noticed, but I havent been on here for some time. A lot has been going on in my hectic life….All good stuff. I have so much to catch up on, this being one of them. I am still a reader when I can.

Anyone going to the Bloggy thing in San Jose? I live in SJ. Just going to throw that out there 😉

I just got a promotion at work so I have been extremely preoccupied with this whole work thing. Life is getting in the way of all my fun.

I promise to write something soon. Mostly funny shit that happens to me since it seems to be often. Like this morning when I was at Starbucks and ordered an iced coffee. The little girl working said “did you say decaf?”….I was like you better watch your mouth talking that nonsense around me! hahaha. She didnt think it was as funny as me….OH, and there was this really cute girl in there wearing a nice dress. Very pretty and well put together…..So I saw her in the parking lot driving away and she was in a beat up Saturn….The whole sexy vibe she was giving off was all down the drain when I realized how shallow and judgmental I was………

Happy Friday kids.

The Bachelorette- Week 2

Happy Monday everyone and I hope you all had a nice relaxing 3 day weekend. Thank you to all the men and women in the service fighting for us and their families. We appreciate it.

 
Before I get started I wanted to let everyone know that I will be on vacation next Monday and will not be giving you all my 2 cents. I am headed to San Diego to visit some family and then heading to Palm Springs for 3 days of golf. So stoked. Its by far my favorite thing to do all year……But wait! I have planned ahead. Since I wont be watching the show and talking shit I have asked someone to fill in for me. She shall remain nameless and you will just have to wait and see who it is. 
 
Ok, lets see what this bitch gets herself into this week……
 
So the guys are now in the mansion. It looks like a damn H&M model shoot.
 
Eric gets the first one on one date. Shit, this is hard. Tough knowing this guy looks happy but I know he is no longer with us….How sad.Kinda like watching the Tupac or Michael Jackson Hologram. 
 
Eric “whats this place called?”
Andi “This place is called the beach”
 
What a fuggin bitch. Obviously its the beach dummy but what are we doing here? (is what he should have said)
 
Oh snap! Andi is actually wearing a bikini….and wearing it well. Special note to the camera crew though when they are doing sand angels take it from a different angle where you are not all up in her V zone. Oh cool….a helicopter ride. How unexpected. Hopefully Eric never watched this show before because 9 times out of 10 you get to ride in a chopper. Not that special…..Oh…Louie vitto. Now that pretty cool. That kid is pretty dope.
 
I would like to go on record and say that thats NOT snowboarding! She was wearing snowboarding gear and standing with a board on her feet. Hot cocoa and sitting on a sled on more her style. 
 
Ok, I have caught on to Andi’s “thing”….She says “stop” a lot. Kinda like how when you tell a story and someone says ‘shut up”….They dont want you to shut up, they just mean ” Noooo Waaaaay”….Ya, she does that.
 
Fuck. Eric seems like a pretty good guy. Did I just hear him say he roasted marshmellows over a volcano? I think I would have a hard time being with someone that has done almost everything humanly possible. 
 
Group Date time. Lets bare our souls. Oh crap….here we go. Male exotic dancing? Uhhhhh gross. I wonder what else is on…..
 
Craig is annoying as ever. I dont like this guy. Is he always drunk?
My boy Chris the golfer is the gay robot. Haha. Classic. Nice thong homie Hahah.
Cody is a shit bag. Arrogant asshole. Yes we all know you work out. Fag.
Pretty sure Chris Harrison smacked one of the guys asses.
Why does Brian have a black eye? Did I miss something?
 
Glad that is over but I have a feeling I was the only one who did NOT enjoy that scene. I want to hear what you all thought….Bunch’a hoochies.
 
Damn. Andi looks hot in that black dress and when I say Andi I mean her boobs are pretty much calling my name. #FanOfTheBoobGlisten
 
Craig is obviously the town drunk and he is becoming fun to watch….Although I am sure he is going home very soon. Dude is ripped. haha. “whats the worst thing about your parents?” LMAO.hahahahaha. I am actually laughing and crying. How funny is that? I want to party with him kinda.
 
Get over it Andi. So he had too much to drink. Everyone is out of their element and alcohol helps people let loose. He just went to far….BUT We all know thats how he is all the time. She is taking it as a personal attack on her process to find true love on TV with 25 guys with a countless amount of money to spend. Because thats normal. I think she needs to have a few cocktails and re-fukin-lax herself……….
 
Well hopefully Chris has a nice date with her. So who does everyone think is the front runner so far?
 
Santa Anita horse track is fun. I have been there before. Its exciting even when you only bet a couple of bucks. How is Chris gonna come out looking like Pee Wee though? Ugh. I am not a fan of the bow tie. Let that trend go fellas. 
 
“You just kinda know, you know”….I couldnt have said it better myself old lady. 
 
Wait I thought Andi had one last surprise for Chris. Ummmm A private concert? Thats not a surprise. We all knew it was coming since it happens every season. WOW. the first kiss was the real surprise if you ask me. I didnt think that was going to happen. City lawyer and farmer scare me a bit. I dont think he could keep up with her life style. Curious to see how that pans out. I like his hair.
 
Sock puppets behind the couch…..Check please.
 
Ok, So I am about to let you all in on a secret. All of these guys are acting like perfect gentlemen because they havent slept with her yet. Thats what we do. This is why I dont like the Bachelorette as much as the Bachelor. The guys are playing to win. They are all there to beat the other guys. Andi is the first place trophy and its not as genuine as 1 guy and a bunch of women. Women are more honest. There, I said it…  
 
Breaking news: This just in. Craig cant sing for shit. Now back to our show.
 
Well FUCK! My guy Nick S. is out. Bye Bye $10. Shit.
 
Ok so I guess the Bachelorette is on twice next week. My replacement is going to have her work cut out for her. Haha. Nothing like a double header to get your feet wet. 
 
Another episode is come and gone and not too much excitement just yet. I can say that I am starting to like some of the dudes now. Usually I hate them all for at least 3-4 episodes but some of them are stepping it up. 
 
Who does everyone like so far? Who does everyone think is hot? Who do you see ending up with Andi? Is it too early?
 
I want to know so send some feedback when you cant. 
 
I hope everyone has a good night out there in internet land. Dont miss me too much next week.