Beer

The internet is a real place y’all

I just got back from my first ever trip to Texas and I have been struggling on what I wanted to share from my vacation. You all wont care about my drinking experiences or the fact the I saw Jerry Springer at a bar…..Y’all want to hear about me meeting a fellow blogger of yours. Right? Well let me share my story with you because you all need to be aware of how amazing this person is.

My buddy and I had planned a trip to Texas for ACL-Austin City Limits for months and I was incredibly excited to finally go. I couldn’t tell if it was the bands I was going to see, The places I was going to visit, or the experiences I was going to have, But I was nervous. Not scared nervous but more like anxious nervous. Let me back up a bit. For the last few years I have been in a pool for the TV show the Bachelor/ette and somehow I end up writing a weekly email to the group pretty much bashing the contestants. It all started by me thinking someone on Facebook was cute and I added her as a friend. She would posts things on Mondays about the show and I would always comment. Come to find out she was in a big pool with a bunch of ladies. I wanted in. I figured I watched the show anyways….right? How is that gay? You’re gay!! Anyways, So I finally got an invite to be in the group and here I am today talking about it. Through this group I stayed in contact with a few of the ladies and have become really good friends with them. No, I have never met any of the women from this group…..Until now. Most of you know her as Cellulite looks better tan, But I know her as one of my bests friends. We have been chatting for a long time and we really have grown to know each other very well. She is nothing short of amazing and has the most adorable, loving family. I don’t know them, but I can imagine.

So here is the story of how we met in person.

IMG_6156

 

First day of the Festival I knew I was going to meet Mandi for the first time, and was nervous. We were texting all morning about meeting and and I wanted her to feel comfortable and not weird about it. Or maybe that was me. I was at a stage where our favorite band was playing and I kept looking around for her. Crap! “Sleep baby sleep” was being played by Broods and its one of our favorite songs. One of the things we have in common is music and we connect on that level. I text her and she could hear it but wasn’t in the park yet. I wanted her to be there so bad for this song but at least she could hear it. I recorded it for her so I could send to her later. The moment arrived. She text me that she was in the back of the crowd so I made my way towards her but its like I couldn’t find her fast enough. I scanned the crowd over and over frantically looking for her……And there she was. We locked eyes at the exact same time and I couldn’t get to her quick enough. Good thing for me she was doing a light run towards me and we locked up in the most heart warming embrace that I will never forget. I’m pretty sure to someone who saw us,it was in slow motion. We hugged for what seemed like minutes but what made it more special is that by now her favorite song was being played in the back ground. “Four Walls”. It was a very special moment for the both of us I could tell. The part I didn’t like was after all these months of not seeing her all I wanted to do was look at her, touch her, talk to her, but I couldn’t. We went straight into listening to music and standing by each other watching our favorite band together. Immediately the awkward flew out the window to never be seen again. As soon as the band ended we both took our time to really check each other out. We were actually real people. Not just an internet figure of our imagination anymore. She is as gorgeous as her pictures show and don’t let the Cellulite name fool you. Legs for days. We spent the next 3 days giggling, joking, sweating, dancing, drinking, eating(not me since I was sick), laughing, singing, and just becoming better friends. It was one of the best weekends I have had in such a long time and I wouldn’t replace it for anything in this world.

Listen up everyone. Mandi is a real person. She is not just a person who “likes” your blog posts or comments on your pages, she is a real person. For those of you who don’t know her, I suggest you do. She is nothing short of amazing and I am extremely fortunate that I can call her my friend. She is the most sweetest, beautiful, caring, fun person that I have ever met and I feel bad for you if you haven’t met her. The internet is a real thing. Yes there are a lot of people who use it to hide from themselves and pretend to be someone they cant be in their real lives. Not her. She is so smart and talented and I wish to someday have a fraction of what she has. If you cant tell I admirer her and look up to her more than I could ever put into words. I know we are friends but I really value her as a person and I wont let this friendship slip away. Who knows….Maybe I never see her again, Maybe I will. Although she is not a friend I can see all the time, her and her family will always be in my heart. She doesn’t need to be standing next to me to be with me.
IMG_6182

Don’t hide behind the internet. Embrace it and use it to meet new people. Or do what Mandi does with it….Inspire me to be a better person.

Thanks for everything Mandi. A true honor to be apart of your life.

(3 hand squeezes) Wink

Oh ya! I saw a firefly……..I may or may not have captured it on video.

Did I just go on a date?

In my town they just finished construction on the new home of the San Francisco 49ers and let me tell you….The stadium is sick. Last Saturday they had the very first ever event there and I just had to go. It was for the San Jose Earthquakes soccer. Apparently its a professional team we have that I dont know about because I am not that Mexican. I didnt care what or who was going to be there but I couldnt miss it. I knew I wasnt going to watch the game but I was just going to wonder around and take pics….and drink beers. Mission accomplished. Its only about 10 minutes from my house but since I watch the news I knew it was going to be a straight up cluster fuck trying to get in that zoo. We parked across the street at a golf course. I had an extra ticket so I ended up selling it to my buddies friend and they met us in the parking lot while we tailgated. The chick that bought it was kinda semi cute but no real attraction. Did I just get set up on a blind date? Fuck, I hope not because I dont like that. We had discussed before the game that we both couldnt give a rats about the game and our goal was to drink and eat as much as possible. Done and done. That place was super expensive and I told her the $50 she owed me we would just spend on drinks anyways.

. Everyone pretty much got split up the second we got in the building. So we were in line at one point to get these sausage things that we saw everyone eating and I asked her “ohhh are you going to get the grilled onions and all that stuff” She says ” I don’t know because I feel like we are going to make out later”…..Ummm excuse me? Who do you think I am?……..I told her “well why don’t we just get it out of the way now so that way we can both get it with the onions and peppers, plus we don’t have to stand around like a bunch of 15 year old kids figuring out if we should kiss or not later”….So we shared a little smooch and we both laughed about it. I think it had a lot to do with my sponsor of the evening…..Coors light but that’s besides the point. I dragged her through the crowd by her hand and the rest of the night we joked about being on a date. Everything was like ” are we having our first fight?” or “I think we should break up”. Little stupid jokes like that but it was funny. The stadium shares a parking lot with an amusement park here in San Jose so by the end of the game there were fireworks. I joked and told her that now she can tell everyone she saw fireworks on our first date. hahahah………….Long story short I am pretty sure she thought I was gay. hahahahahahah. Fuckin’ bitch.

She was an esthetician and it came up that I wax my legs. She is going to judge me? She waxes peoples vagina’s and gunk holes and she wants to act like I’m weird?

Moral of the story is if they open a new stadium in your city don’t be called gay in it.

I’m not dead. I promise.

I am certain that nobody noticed, but I havent been on here for some time. A lot has been going on in my hectic life….All good stuff. I have so much to catch up on, this being one of them. I am still a reader when I can.

Anyone going to the Bloggy thing in San Jose? I live in SJ. Just going to throw that out there ūüėČ

I just got a promotion at work so I have been extremely preoccupied with this whole work thing. Life is getting in the way of all my fun.

I promise to write something soon. Mostly funny shit that happens to me since it seems to be often. Like this morning when I was at Starbucks and ordered an iced coffee. The little girl working said “did you say decaf?”….I was like you better watch your mouth talking that nonsense around me! hahaha. She didnt think it was as funny as me….OH, and there was this really cute girl in there wearing a nice dress. Very pretty and well put together…..So I saw her in the parking lot driving away and she was in a beat up Saturn….The whole sexy vibe she was giving off was all down the drain when I realized how shallow and judgmental I was………

Happy Friday kids.

Give a Hoot

I just stumbled upon this looking for an old email. Its a letter I wrote to Hooters after eating there years ago. Enjoy.

This is the email I sent to Hooters plus the responses.

EARTH TO¬†HOOTERS…..ITS 2011.¬†

Why are the ladies who work at¬†Hooters¬†wearing Jane Fonda’s workout gear from the 70’s? Its 2011. Why has the corporation never updated their outfits? I mean I go to¬†Hooters¬†because of the awesome happy hour and watch sports. Yes, its a bonus there are all ladies working there. Yes, the beer and food taste the same no matter what they wear BUT why not an update? Who wears scrunchy socks anymore(excluding the 80’s parties)? Who wears Richard Simmons shorts? The answer is no one. Why not put them in shorts that like volleyball players wear or something. There are hundreds of cuter outfits out there that can match this century. Why not try something new. The outfits they wear are not very flattering and mostly because no one wears that stuff or havent in the last 20 years. The tanks are timeless I will give you that. Do away with those awful shorts and awful socks. I understand¬†Hooters¬†is legendary for its attire and pretty much a trademark but whats wrong with a small change?¬†

Just something I think about every time I go to¬†Hooters. I also understand its a family restaurant and there are regulations but lets face it….the majority of the customers are men. Might as well make them all do their hair like Farrah Fawcett and completely pull off the 70’s look.¬†

Thanks for listening.

First response

Dear Mr. Dave:

We at the¬†Hooters¬†Hotline received your comments regarding the¬†Hooters¬†Girls’ uniforms.¬†We genuinely apologize for the poor choice. We¬†appreciate your taking the time to write us.¬† Feedback such as yours helps us identify ways to improve in our continuous quest to deliver the ultimate¬†Hooters¬†guest experience.

Because we want to share your remarks with our restaurant, we have forwarded your message to the area supervisor. Our desire is to make Hooters your choice once again for terrific food, beverages, and fun.

Thank you, Mr. Dave, for sharing your comments.  We apologize again and look forward to making your next Hooters visit a pleasant and memorable one.

Should you like more information about us, please visit us on the Web at www.hooters.com.

Sincerely,

Kay
Hooters¬†Hotline…We give a Hoot!

P.S. Please retain the ticket number located below. This will help us locate your information should you need us again.

2nd email response

Hi Dave,
We like your your Farrah Fawcett idea and are looking into it..
Thank you for your continued patronage!

Slumdog Buddy

So as I am driving home from gay as work I decide to myself ” you know what? You deserve a beer”….”You are right me, I do” so I stopped by my favorite liquor store. Yes, I have a favorite liquor store. Why you ask. Well let me tell you why. This Indian guy who works there I pray every time I walk in that he is there. Indian from India, not Indian from our history books. Anyways this guy is so fuckin awesome I want to sit and chat with him for hours but lets face it….I want to get home and have a drink. Mutha fukin thirsty son! What is so awesome about him is 1-he knows me. 2-He twitters me when my favorite beers arrive. 3-he calls me “buddy” a minimum of 15 to 87 times per visit. #3 is the the real reason. I actually cant even look him in the eye when I am there because I am thinking about it so much that I cant stop grinning. Here is how tonight went down.

Me walking in:

“Hey buddy. Where have you been buddy?”

Oh just working

“Buddy we got that beer that you like buddy. I saved you some. Let me grab them buddy”

Thanks bud

“Here you go buddy. Geeez buddy you look different in that shirt buddy. usually you come in wearing jeans and a T-shirt Buddy”

Ya I dont usually come during the week unless I had a rough day.

“Everybody has the rough day buddy. Everybody” (even when he is not saying buddy he is saying body which sounds the same)

At this point I cant stop giggling and then I start in with the buddies.

Thanks Buddy. I really appreciate you holding the beers for me buddy….And then he switches it up on me.

“sure, what are bros for”…..He called me Bro. What the shit?¬†

Now Im standing there like a tard because he threw me off.

Anyways you get the idea and this carried on for about another minute. We talked about beer week and some other hippy shit for a sec and then I was on my way. Imagine the Kwik-e-Mart dude from the SImpsons but like with a blue tooth. I have told so many friends about this guy that they only go there to buy beers because we all think its funny to hear him say buddy a shit ton.

I dont have the heart to tell he we arent buddies. Lower your prices dick.

Buzzed Olympics

Ya right! Like I was the only one last night watching men’s figure skating. I am a huge fan of the Olympics and I will watch everything ¬†for the next two weeks. I wish the best for USA…….Well except maybe the curling team. What the hell is curling and who else besides the Olympians have ever played that? I played shuffle board on a cruise once but that’s pretty much a fancy way of playing beer pong in public. Curling looks lame. Ya, I SAID IT!

“Oh Hello there. That is a sweet medal you have around your neck. You must have worked your whole entire life to get to the Olympics. What sport did you get that in?”

“curling”

(awkward Pause) Cricket Cricket Cricket Cricket Cricket Cricket Cricket Cricket

My mom used to sweep the floor but I didn’t think she deserved a medal or anything.

I am super excited for the opening ceremonies tonight and that’s all I am doing on my Friday night. I’m sure I will have a beer or 7 but just to take the edge off.

Why did the world agree to have the Olympics in Sochi Russia? Putin is such a dick and the rest of the world hates him…..Or is that just me?

I hope your moms get to watch the Olympics too.