Drama

The Bachelor-Week 8, Part 2

Two nights in a row this week. First of all you’re welcome. Secondly I feel so mysterious. Kinda like when Dorthy and the rest of those weirdos went to Oz and found the wizard was just some regular dude talking shit behind a curtain. You’re telling me he couldnt have gotten an office down the hall? The best place for him to hide was right behind a curtain in the same room as them? Everything else in that movie made sense but that part, they totally lost me….Anyways I feel like a wizard.

With the season winding down the mystery of Clare’s Necklace is finally solved……You know how its been driving me crazy all season? Well I found out
Well I cant wait to see another failed relationship end in Beautiful St. Lucia. Lets start this shit show.
Clare’s Date-
Well I have to start by saying she is gorgeous as ever. I love how Clare Said “If Juan Pablo asks me to stay in the fantasy suite”….Ummmm Its coming dummy so get ready. And very graceful of her to pretend she is a good girl and debating weather or not to go. We all know she is probably setting up the sex swing as we speak.
Another date on a yaught (yaaaaaawn). I have seen way too many rap videos to be impressed by this.
Beeeee Yoooouu Beeeeee Yooooouu. Boner alert! This flirty little vixen with that white dress. Oh my. She is killing that dress.
Date card- Oh my gosh. I wonder what it could be. This isnt the grammys. Open it open it open it. Stoked that Juan Pablo is ok with staying the night with 3 women on tv but swimming with 1 in the ocean is a big No No for Camilla to see. Maybe he just ate and he didnt wait to proper amount of time. I guess that would be a bad thing to teach your daughter.
Why am I jealous right now? Fuck that guy…..(rolling my eyes hella hard). Annnnnnnnnd she just said she is falling in love with him. Fuggin Bitch. I hope they get naked and she sees he has a little weiner and fly’s back to Sacramento.
Andi’s Date-

Andi looks amazing too. I think she is still pretty but I don’t see them together. Rule #1, Never high five a woman.
LMAO. Andi just asked the little kid whats your favorite drink in the whole world….hahahaha. I cant imagine this 4 year old is a world traveler at this point not to mention he lives on a small island and most likely will never leave….So coconut water is his answer Andi. The same shit he has been drinking everyday of his short life.
Andi is ridiculously gorgeous but such a dud. At least she said yes to the fantasy suite. I would hate for Juan Pablo to not have sex 3 nights in a row. Such a nice room. I wonder if it still smells like Clare’s sweaty bunn’s. Its cool how he is wearing the same thing in the morning. Walking around with the Dirty D. Hope he showered before he bones Nikki.
Wait….turn of events. Stand by………………….OH NOOOOOO. She couldn’t wait to get out of the suite? And she said he didn’t care about her past or her feelings and always turned it into him and his story. Was the last girl I dated in that fantasy suite too? Damn, everything Andi is saying makes complete sense. NOW I finally like her. Well way to go Juan stupid Pablo. Way to blow it. She called it perfectly I think.
The shots of her standing there looking upset are ultra dramatic. Good work ABC.
Nikki’s Date-
Damn Nikki. Thanks for pulling your boobs out so soon. She is not fukin around tonight. I’m torn now because I don’t want Nikki or Clare to be with him now after hearing Andi. I hate him more now. I am so glad she finally took those hideous pants off. What the shit were those all about? If you own those throw them out now.
Does a woman want to be told she is cute? I wouldn’t think so but that’s just me. Shit. Maybe that’s why I am single. I throw words around like Pretty, Beautiful, gorgeous etc.
Video message. Its about to go down…..Andi is pissed. Probably because she just had to walk a mile to get to him. She couldnt get a ride? Rude.
It’s ok…..It’s ok.
OMG I hate this guy so much right now. Why do we out source our talent these days? He is clueless. Absolutely clueless. Either he doesn’t understand the english language or is just an asshole.
“What my religion?”…..Catholic……(silence) What an idiot. That poor poor guy. He doesnt even get it. Andi is right.
Ladies and gentlemen our newest Bachelorette, Andi.
Clare looks amazing once again in the pink and black dress. Super hot. And did I mention I love stripes? haha. Nikki looks gorgeous too. I want to lick Clare’s boob glisten.
So here’s the thing. If you put 1 guy in a room with 20 women, they are all going to fight for his attention. He might not even be that good looking but its a natural thing to compete and they start to make it a competition and not about finding love. It wasnt as dramatic as I expected but I am glad Andi left. I think she called it right.
thoughts?????

The Bachelor-Week 7

I hope everyone had a nice long weekend….I sure did. I still kinda have the shakes from drinking too much but what else is new….

Damn! Is it already week 7? Time flies when you dont give a shit about Juan fuggin Pablo. I wonder what he can do this week to get on my nerves…..Lets find out, Shall we?

Welcome to Miami everyone. I’ve never been there but I am pretty sure I would be thrown out of Florida for having the most fun allowed there. Hey, Uncle Dave loves the kids but is it me or does Camilla have the most annoying voice ever? It like bothers me….ugh. But on the other hand Clare looks smoking hot still so I guess I will watch this episode.
JP. Kudos for buying the ladies bikinis. Best thing he has done for the male viewers this whole season.
By the way JP just said Sharleen “was an Oprah singer”…..I’m sorry what the fuck does that mean? Lost in translation once again bud….The bachelors don’t even need to be American born anymore you just need have a wide variety of vneck shirts in many bright colors. And why did Sharleen act like an idiot when she handed him the date card? I really like her hair though. In case people were not aware I love hair. I couldnt begin to tell you why. I think I should have been a hairstylist in another life but a straight one of course…Anyone needs a cut and color holler at your boy…….Ok ten minute clip of them kissing isnt needed. Thank you.
I do NOT like her red bikini thing. It looks good from the back and then the front is hella busy. I don’t understand her….She talks so much shit about him and how things arent working but when they are together she is all about him. Chalk that up to me not understanding women whatsoever. I kinda like her cream dress and I think she looks pretty tonight. god I hope they don’t kiss…..Crap, too late. I don’t get these two at all……I’m so over both of them. What an indecisive bitch…..Allow me to decide for you. GOOOOOO!
Nikki date- She is such a cutie but she is ready to shit herself. She seems soooo nervous to meet the family and Camilla. Its a little too soon if you ask me. Hope she doesnt choke. Holy Shit. Is that JP’s ex? She is hot! I wonder what he did to screw that relationship up. All you internet stalker find out for me. I need deet’s.
Nikki has got a smoking hot body. Note to self. If I ever hang out with a woman and her shirt is barely clinging to her boobs, take her to go play catch. How is her boobs not popping out left and right?  Tape? Glue? Whatever it is I wish there was less of it? Either was she is very pretty.
So Sharleen is going to quit and give up? Her saying she isn’t feeling it is a lie. I think the more she gets attached to him to more she is scared he wont pick her. She is this seasons “I’m going to bail before he lets me go” girl. And why the hell is she whispering? If I wanted to read a bunch of subtitles I would watch Juan Pablo’s interviews again. Spoiler alert Sharleen. We can still here even when you whisper. You ain’t Batman. Speak up bitch. JP has his hand all over her face like he is trying to Palm a basketball. Gross. Don’t touch everyone’s faces so much.
And now this fool is crying…This guy cries more than the ladies do. I’m not buying it homie.
Group Date- Bikini day. Everyone shut up and let me focus…sssshhhh
Chelsea. Oh, cool. You brought letters from your mom on the group date. Lets read them all.
Mom-2 Drink Max and keep your clothes on
Dad- Do the opposite of what your mom says. Hahaha.
Clares true colors are coming out. She is talking shit about Andi getting the rose. This is about to get ugly. Andi is killing that red dress. I approve for sure. I think I am attracted to all the girls except Renee at this point. ¬†Anyone know who that dude is singing? I sure don’t just some cholo probably.
These bitches are being such bitches. They are seriously arguing about who paid for the suite? Who’s space is who’s? Get real people. They have to know that there is going to be mad jealousy and they should be friends after a certain amount of episodes.I am really struggling to find something to say this week. The only thing I am focused on is Nikkis bright pink dress. She looks amazing in it.
And begin the Awkward silence segment…10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds….We get it. Show something else now. Thank god Andi is walking up now because its making me uncomfortable and I’m not even there. I am at home in my “Pee-Yam-aahhs”.
And Chelsea is outta there. Poor thing. She didnt see that coming I dont think…I sure did. And here come the tears.
Sorry for the extremely boring recap I just wasnt feeling it this week. Its so much easier when all the girls are psycho and when there are more of them. Well with that being said next weeks double episode looks like its jammed full of crazy. I cant wait for that one.
Next week I will for sure get a good buzz going before I decide to write. I couldnt do it tonight. I am done drinking for the week. Blah.
Well I hope everyone has a fantastic week and I look forward to sending 2 next week.
Nighty Nite ya’ll

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