shit

Kermit the Blog

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Sometimes I feel like these two dicks. I just sit back, talk some shit, than move on with my life…..

And I’m ok with that.

People who know me know that if I make fun of you, it’s because I care about you. Please don’t take it personal. Be worried if I am NOT making fun of you. It means you have not had an impact on my life whatsoever.

Happy Sunday

The Bachelor-The Women Tell All…………

Whats up everyone? I hope you all had an amazing week and are braving the weather wherever you are……Its sprinkling right now in my hometown. I better hunker down and stock up on water and canned goods. 

 
How sad. This is almost the last time I get to write this season and The Women Tell All is my least favorite episode. All they do is sit around and talk shit about each other still like it even matters. I hope they throw JP under the bus hard. He is such a creepy asshole.
 
I can never find anything to say about these shows since the shit talking is already being done for me…..BUT in the spirit of the Oscars last night maybe I should talk about how everyone looks and what they are wearing…..Oh Shit! If that wasn’t the gayest thing that I ever said than I don’t know what is…….#gayness
 
Ok, Right off the bat I am reminded that I never watched the Sean and Catherine wedding. I think I am ok with that(its still on my DVR though).
 
HAHAHAHA. Catherine said “Quick Fireworks” so awesome. What does she expect a super slow romantic sex sesh? If they never slept together before its gonna be quick. Trust me. He should have squeezed a quick one off before so he could last longer….Such a rookie move.
 
The fuck is this Muppets Bullshit all about.
 
Kelly-I’m glad this bitch brought her dog again. What a dumbass. her lazy eye still bothers me for the record and I am glad a friendly tribe of indians beaded her dress for her.
 
Andi looks amazing and I love her teal dress. Good color for her. She is very pretty.
 
They keep showing a chicks legs but I cant see who it is. She has cellulite…..Cellulite looks better tan 😉
 
My girl Kat is running the show so far. She is good looking to. I always liked her….Plus her boobs are extremely large. I like her hair off to one side. Thats a cute look.
 
Sharleen still looks like a raving bitch to me and I don’t like her still. She seems so uptight and I want to wrap her ear rings around her neck at this point. She is just awkward. 
 
I cant even comment on anyones dress because they only show the girls for like a second each. Renee’s dress is a little boring. That little slut! JK. She is already in a situation? Stoked for her because she deserves someone who is going to be good to her. Lucky guy.
 
Andi faked sleep? Thats not what I thought she was going to fake in the fantasy suite. I love andi. She is gorgeous. I know a lot of you dont care for her but I hope she is the next Bachelorette.
 
Ohhhhh. It was Lauren H’s leg. She looks like Mary Murphy from “so you think you can dance” but with a fatter leg. 
 
I really like how Andi got her points across. Such a lady about it all, but I really liked the points Sharleen made as well. 
 
I couldnt even comment on the dresses because all I saw was a bunch of knee caps. Couple of hot legs and a couple of bad ones. Well this episode was a dud but hopefully next weeks looks pretty crazy. I hope they both bail on his dumb ass.
 
Alright everyone I will talk to you soon.

Slumdog Buddy

So as I am driving home from gay as work I decide to myself ” you know what? You deserve a beer”….”You are right me, I do” so I stopped by my favorite liquor store. Yes, I have a favorite liquor store. Why you ask. Well let me tell you why. This Indian guy who works there I pray every time I walk in that he is there. Indian from India, not Indian from our history books. Anyways this guy is so fuckin awesome I want to sit and chat with him for hours but lets face it….I want to get home and have a drink. Mutha fukin thirsty son! What is so awesome about him is 1-he knows me. 2-He twitters me when my favorite beers arrive. 3-he calls me “buddy” a minimum of 15 to 87 times per visit. #3 is the the real reason. I actually cant even look him in the eye when I am there because I am thinking about it so much that I cant stop grinning. Here is how tonight went down.

Me walking in:

“Hey buddy. Where have you been buddy?”

Oh just working

“Buddy we got that beer that you like buddy. I saved you some. Let me grab them buddy”

Thanks bud

“Here you go buddy. Geeez buddy you look different in that shirt buddy. usually you come in wearing jeans and a T-shirt Buddy”

Ya I dont usually come during the week unless I had a rough day.

“Everybody has the rough day buddy. Everybody” (even when he is not saying buddy he is saying body which sounds the same)

At this point I cant stop giggling and then I start in with the buddies.

Thanks Buddy. I really appreciate you holding the beers for me buddy….And then he switches it up on me.

“sure, what are bros for”…..He called me Bro. What the shit? 

Now Im standing there like a tard because he threw me off.

Anyways you get the idea and this carried on for about another minute. We talked about beer week and some other hippy shit for a sec and then I was on my way. Imagine the Kwik-e-Mart dude from the SImpsons but like with a blue tooth. I have told so many friends about this guy that they only go there to buy beers because we all think its funny to hear him say buddy a shit ton.

I dont have the heart to tell he we arent buddies. Lower your prices dick.