Stlucia

The Bachelor-The Final Rose

 Season Recap: Juan Pablo is a ball sack. The end. Hahaha.

 
So according to the preview it looks as if this episode will not disappoint. Fingers crossed the shit hits the fan. Oh and I am not too happy with some of you who are posting on Facebook and Twitter and the Google Group already…..I’m getting all these notifications and I cant check it because I am sure they are spoilers. I will be sure to put you on blast tomorrow though so you still have time to delete it before I catch you……
 
Ok for starters I am glad JP is in another bright colored V-neck or I may have not recognized him. See everyone. Let this season be a lesson to you. You all thought he was attractive at the beginning and now we all hate him together. See what being a jerk can do to your over all appearance? 
 
Real quick did anyone else just almost swallow a prong from the plastic fork from their Panera salad?? No?……Just me.
 
Spoiler Alert. Clare looks amazing and I want her to be naked ASAP.
 
How was JP’s dad pushing in Clare’s chair for her and JP didnt? hmmmmm. Warning signs Girl…..Run! Whatever they are eating looks amazing. I want that. Just got back from the gym and want to eat….But duty calls. JP’s cousin mentioned she was “begging for it” and I agree. She is so hot but seems desperate at times. I don’t understand. Juan Pablo’s dad must have seen the “swim in the ocean” episode and is trying to get some ass from Clare too. hahaha. Dirty old man……but smart.
 
Ok, Commercial just came on and said ” if you want to date our next bachelor or Bachelorette please contact Blah Blah”….How the Fuk am I supposed to know if I want to date them without even knowing who it is? I can get a blind date tomorrow Chris Harrison. Who would sign up for that not knowing who you were going to date? Don’t you want to be attracted to that person first??? What the shit………
 
Nikki is so hot too but she always ruins it with doing something lame with her hair. She seems really nervous to meet the family. Def not as smooth as my Clare Bear.
 
So JP’s dad is practically throwing JP under the bus telling Nikki that he only worries about himself…..UMMM what? I’m not a woman but if I was and heard that, I would be out like Fred Flintstone sliding down that Dinosaur tail on his way to happy hour. That’s actually the exact opposite way you get a girl. I usually don’t them them I am selfish until about 8 months into it……………(JK) Single, remember?
 
Not 100% sure but I think Juan Pablo’s dad run an Opiate farm in Venezuela….He just looks like a boss!
 
Oh the one armed chick is in the audience….High Five Girl!
 
Clare’s yellow shorts need a haircut.
 
Wait….What the fuck just happened? What did he whisper to Clare??………….He whispered sexual, insulting things to her? Like what? “I feel like we don’t know each other”…Ok now this is getting good and no you may not have a kiss, Dick! Get away from my lady. What a fuggin asshole. This guy deserves no one. Not even the Hippie chick. His communication skills with woman are horrible and he is going to be single forever that rate he is going. 
 
How did Clare just get steam rolled by him right there? Is she stupid? She was upset and crying and didnt kiss him and like 3 sentences later she is ok with him again?
 
So are you all ready to talk about Nikki in that bikini? oh my gaaawad! Her boobs are staring at me and making me uncomfortable. Displaying photo.JPG
 
 
Hey JP. Nice anklet, Fag.
 
I dont think JP cares for either of them at this point. He is horrible at communication. Everything the ladies say or bring up he spins it around on him. And how he feels. America doesnt care how you feel Juan Pablo. We all feel for Nikki and Clare now. 
 
Wait, whats this? Is Nikki having a change of heart too? Anyone remember that show Change of Heart? That shit was bad ass.
Poor Nikki is crying. Speak. Tell us why and stop doing the ugly cry.
 
Clare and Nikki both look gorgeous. I’m into both of them if you didn’t know. I love Clare’s dress but I would love it more if it had two straps. I don’t like the one shoulder thing. She looks like Tarzan and her eye make up looks over done.
 
” I wish the earth sucked me”….The fuck does that mean JP?
 
Oh my God! He is saying bye to Clare? what an idiot. Why does he have that smirk on his face? Like he wants to laugh. Oh snap! Clare just told him like it was. Good for her. We have all been thinking the same thing. She is walking away and she knows she did the right thing. We all do. Good girl..
 
“Im glad I didnt pick her” Holy fuck. Is this guy serious? I didnt think it would get worse but he is pissing on his own grave if thats possible. Juan Pablo you are a straight up little boy. 
 
Oh Wow! My girl Kat in the audience is looking beautiful. I hope she is the next Bachelorette or that I run into her at a local bar and take her home…Either or.
 
Juan Pablo has the least amount of depth in a man that I have ever seen. The screening process for ABC has failed us all. 
 
So Juan Pablo didnt propose to anyone. This whole season was so at the end he could “like her a lot”? Rip Off..Booooooooo. Such a cop out. Hey lets fly you around the world on our dime so you can like someone at the end. That guy is such a fucker. I cant stand him.
 
After the Final Rose:
Awwww I love Clare. She is very well spoken and I really appreciate what she is saying.
 
So there was some big huge surprise that never happened. Did he chicken out? 
 
Oh damn. Nikki looks the best she ever has. Wow. She is killing that red dress. After He dumps her I hope she is the bachelorette. haha. She must feel like such a fool after watching the show and seeing what all the girls thought of him…She is sitting there like “oh shit, what have I gotten myself into”. Could they look anymore NOT in love. Fuck Juan Pablo. This guys is the biggest jerk to ever be on this show. Ugggh. I’m stoked I only have to deal with him for another 20 minutes.
 
He reminds me of Zoolander when he says “People in the computer”. Retard. Nikki looks so uncomfortable with him on stage. She is embarrassed she even has to be on stage with him right now. 
 
Congratulations JP. You won a date at the end of all this. Loser. I’m pretty sure they are broken up already.
 
And the next Bachelorette is………………Andi! Do I get any money back for guessing right? Ok, Im in for next season now. Haha. But only because of her and not because I am obsessed with this show.
 
Well everyone. Its been an amazing season and I thank all of you for watching along with me. Who knows. Maybe even next season I might be able to meet one of you.
 
Until then. You know where to find me =)
 

The Bachelor-Week 8, Part 2

Two nights in a row this week. First of all you’re welcome. Secondly I feel so mysterious. Kinda like when Dorthy and the rest of those weirdos went to Oz and found the wizard was just some regular dude talking shit behind a curtain. You’re telling me he couldnt have gotten an office down the hall? The best place for him to hide was right behind a curtain in the same room as them? Everything else in that movie made sense but that part, they totally lost me….Anyways I feel like a wizard.

With the season winding down the mystery of Clare’s Necklace is finally solved……You know how its been driving me crazy all season? Well I found out
Well I cant wait to see another failed relationship end in Beautiful St. Lucia. Lets start this shit show.
Clare’s Date-
Well I have to start by saying she is gorgeous as ever. I love how Clare Said “If Juan Pablo asks me to stay in the fantasy suite”….Ummmm Its coming dummy so get ready. And very graceful of her to pretend she is a good girl and debating weather or not to go. We all know she is probably setting up the sex swing as we speak.
Another date on a yaught (yaaaaaawn). I have seen way too many rap videos to be impressed by this.
Beeeee Yoooouu Beeeeee Yooooouu. Boner alert! This flirty little vixen with that white dress. Oh my. She is killing that dress.
Date card- Oh my gosh. I wonder what it could be. This isnt the grammys. Open it open it open it. Stoked that Juan Pablo is ok with staying the night with 3 women on tv but swimming with 1 in the ocean is a big No No for Camilla to see. Maybe he just ate and he didnt wait to proper amount of time. I guess that would be a bad thing to teach your daughter.
Why am I jealous right now? Fuck that guy…..(rolling my eyes hella hard). Annnnnnnnnd she just said she is falling in love with him. Fuggin Bitch. I hope they get naked and she sees he has a little weiner and fly’s back to Sacramento.
Andi’s Date-

Andi looks amazing too. I think she is still pretty but I don’t see them together. Rule #1, Never high five a woman.
LMAO. Andi just asked the little kid whats your favorite drink in the whole world….hahahaha. I cant imagine this 4 year old is a world traveler at this point not to mention he lives on a small island and most likely will never leave….So coconut water is his answer Andi. The same shit he has been drinking everyday of his short life.
Andi is ridiculously gorgeous but such a dud. At least she said yes to the fantasy suite. I would hate for Juan Pablo to not have sex 3 nights in a row. Such a nice room. I wonder if it still smells like Clare’s sweaty bunn’s. Its cool how he is wearing the same thing in the morning. Walking around with the Dirty D. Hope he showered before he bones Nikki.
Wait….turn of events. Stand by………………….OH NOOOOOO. She couldn’t wait to get out of the suite? And she said he didn’t care about her past or her feelings and always turned it into him and his story. Was the last girl I dated in that fantasy suite too? Damn, everything Andi is saying makes complete sense. NOW I finally like her. Well way to go Juan stupid Pablo. Way to blow it. She called it perfectly I think.
The shots of her standing there looking upset are ultra dramatic. Good work ABC.
Nikki’s Date-
Damn Nikki. Thanks for pulling your boobs out so soon. She is not fukin around tonight. I’m torn now because I don’t want Nikki or Clare to be with him now after hearing Andi. I hate him more now. I am so glad she finally took those hideous pants off. What the shit were those all about? If you own those throw them out now.
Does a woman want to be told she is cute? I wouldn’t think so but that’s just me. Shit. Maybe that’s why I am single. I throw words around like Pretty, Beautiful, gorgeous etc.
Video message. Its about to go down…..Andi is pissed. Probably because she just had to walk a mile to get to him. She couldnt get a ride? Rude.
It’s ok…..It’s ok.
OMG I hate this guy so much right now. Why do we out source our talent these days? He is clueless. Absolutely clueless. Either he doesn’t understand the english language or is just an asshole.
“What my religion?”…..Catholic……(silence) What an idiot. That poor poor guy. He doesnt even get it. Andi is right.
Ladies and gentlemen our newest Bachelorette, Andi.
Clare looks amazing once again in the pink and black dress. Super hot. And did I mention I love stripes? haha. Nikki looks gorgeous too. I want to lick Clare’s boob glisten.
So here’s the thing. If you put 1 guy in a room with 20 women, they are all going to fight for his attention. He might not even be that good looking but its a natural thing to compete and they start to make it a competition and not about finding love. It wasnt as dramatic as I expected but I am glad Andi left. I think she called it right.
thoughts?????