wax

Did I just go on a date?

In my town they just finished construction on the new home of the San Francisco 49ers and let me tell you….The stadium is sick. Last Saturday they had the very first ever event there and I just had to go. It was for the San Jose Earthquakes soccer. Apparently its a professional team we have that I dont know about because I am not that Mexican. I didnt care what or who was going to be there but I couldnt miss it. I knew I wasnt going to watch the game but I was just going to wonder around and take pics….and drink beers. Mission accomplished. Its only about 10 minutes from my house but since I watch the news I knew it was going to be a straight up cluster fuck trying to get in that zoo. We parked across the street at a golf course. I had an extra ticket so I ended up selling it to my buddies friend and they met us in the parking lot while we tailgated. The chick that bought it was kinda semi cute but no real attraction. Did I just get set up on a blind date? Fuck, I hope not because I dont like that. We had discussed before the game that we both couldnt give a rats about the game and our goal was to drink and eat as much as possible. Done and done. That place was super expensive and I told her the $50 she owed me we would just spend on drinks anyways.

. Everyone pretty much got split up the second we got in the building. So we were in line at one point to get these sausage things that we saw everyone eating and I asked her “ohhh are you going to get the grilled onions and all that stuff” She says ” I don’t know because I feel like we are going to make out later”…..Ummm excuse me? Who do you think I am?……..I told her “well why don’t we just get it out of the way now so that way we can both get it with the onions and peppers, plus we don’t have to stand around like a bunch of 15 year old kids figuring out if we should kiss or not later”….So we shared a little smooch and we both laughed about it. I think it had a lot to do with my sponsor of the evening…..Coors light but that’s besides the point. I dragged her through the crowd by her hand and the rest of the night we joked about being on a date. Everything was like ” are we having our first fight?” or “I think we should break up”. Little stupid jokes like that but it was funny. The stadium shares a parking lot with an amusement park here in San Jose so by the end of the game there were fireworks. I joked and told her that now she can tell everyone she saw fireworks on our first date. hahahah………….Long story short I am pretty sure she thought I was gay. hahahahahahah. Fuckin’ bitch.

She was an esthetician and it came up that I wax my legs. She is going to judge me? She waxes peoples vagina’s and gunk holes and she wants to act like I’m weird?

Moral of the story is if they open a new stadium in your city don’t be called gay in it.

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Olympic Hangover

Sorry to the 3 people following me for not keeping my page updated during this past week. I have been so preoccupied with the Olympics its not even funny. I am pretty bummed they are officially over. Now what am I going to do with my time? I guess I will just have to keep watching¬†American Idol, Amazing race, workaholics, Nashville, Vanderpump Rules, Brooklyn Nine Nine, The Bachelor, The Voice, 2 Broke Girls, New Girl, Survivor, Toned up, Gold Rush, Shark Tank, The Walking Dead, Golf, Hockey(Sharks), Baseball(Giants), The Real Housewives, KUWTK, Shahs of Sunset, Well pretty much anything on Bravo and Pawn Stars. I’m going to be so bored. Fuck, I watch way too much tv. Anyways congratulation to the USA team and the rest of the world. Thank you for an exciting two weeks. If anyone out there knows where I can get a Gracie Gold Magnet for my fridge or maybe a Gracie Gold key chain I would love to know. She is adorbs.

Ok so starting tomorrow I can getting my lazy ass back to the gym. I have a very obsessive personality so once I commit to something I go 110%. I need to get this body pool party ready Summer is just around the corner my friends. I will have to go a minimum 5 times a week and I think I will try to jog every other day as well. Im getting fat and no one is trying to hook up with a fat guy….Unless your a fat girl and if thats the case I dont hook up with fat girls so dont even bother.

ok quick recap of my week…. Lets see here…..hmmm

Last Sunday a local brewery, Russian River releases this beer that only out twice a year. Pliny the Younger. Its amazing and people wait in line for up to 8-10 hours just to get in the door. Would I do that? Hell no! I know of a handful of places in the bay area that have a keg so I decided to try my luck and get some. I had it last year and by far it was the best beer I have tasted. So sunday morning comes around and I call my friends to see who wants to try and grab a glass with me…No one is available so I say Fuck it…I actually said that out loud which was weird because I was home alone. So I decided to drive by this place solo and saw only about 15 people in line which was amazing. I knew I wanted to try it so I waited for 2 hours. they only gave out about 65 glasses or so…I was number 32 in line. Threw my Beats Studios on and sat like a hipster waiting in line for beer….My mom would be so proud. Finally they opened and I got in a got a beer. It was $10 for a 9 ounce pour. Not bad considering. I got my beer( and another full pint of another). Dont judge me. daddy likes his alcohol. Anyways I sat at the one seat open at the bar, yes alone and sat and stared at the beer. Smelled it, looked at it and finally tasted it after waiting 1 full year…..Holy fuck it was strong. I dont know if it was because I had nothing in my stomach and it was 1pm or I was just being a bitch. But it was hella alcoholy. Thats a word I think. I didnt really enjoy it that much and realized I was just a part of the hype that makes it popular. What a disappointment but either way I was drinking at 1 so it wasnt too bad. I chatted with the people around me for a bit and enjoyed my drinks the best that I could. I finally had a solid buzz going on so I decided to go to this other bar where my friends were to have another drink. Drank a beer then went to lunch and had another beer there. My other friend, I have a lot of friends, was down the street at another bar. We have a lot of bars too. I met them and from there it was all down hill. Pretty much was a shit show from that point on. I think I am going to quit drinking for a while especially since I get the worst hangovers of anyone on this planet. Im too old for this shit. I dont know moderations. Once I have a drink everything is a good idea. So once I start the gym tomorrow I am quiting drinking….Well not fully but no more craft beers or hard shit. It kills me. Its got to be a big occasion for me to booze from now on(FYI I say this about twice a week). I think I will only drink light beers or something chill. Sorry, this is just me trying to prove to myself I dont need booze to have a good time. But I am fun when I drink and everyone likes me….

The next night, Monday it was poker night with the guys. I am in a league where we play monthly for 6 months for points. I won last season and won $600 for the season. There is a nightly pot too. Anyways of course I am with the fellas so I have a few drinks even though I didnt want to. I hate myself at this point. Oh and I lost and still had to go home and watch the Bachelor so I could post my weekly recap.

Tuesday I dont think I did shit. Sat on my ass and didnt drink.

Wednesday I went to dinner with a friend and wouldnt you know it!!!! drink! 

Thursday and Friday I was too tired from work so I just watched more Olympics.

Saturday I had errands to run and my friend from work text me to meet at a local restaurant where they are known for having drinks that put you on your ass. I said I will come meet for 1 beer……Well 4 beers later I decided to go home since I was golfing in the morning. I got home and went to dinner with my roommate and his kids to a brewery down the street. I didnt drink. did you hear me? I DIDNT DRINK. Proud moment but I did eat like a fat ass pig.

So this morning I woke up feeling good and got ready to golf. Drove me and my friend to Oakland to some golf course I had never been to. We were supposed to meet another buddy and his uncle. Both Canadians. So We walk into the clubhouse, First time I have ever seen a couple of ‘brothas’ working the front desk. I tell him that I had a tee time at 10:18 and he cant find our name….He says ” are you sure you are at the right place?”….1-Im not not fukin stupid and 2-read number 1 again. I look at my buddy real quick like ” is this guy kidding me?”…And I say this is a bowling alley right?…..He says ” I dont get it”….I say nevermind and walk out to call my other friend who I was meeting. Long story short we were at the wrong course. Great. So we drive about 5 minutes and find the course. Shittiest course i have ever seen. Like zero grass and it was like playing in Kuwait or something dirty as fuk. I started off horrible and ended up playing the best I have ever played. Shot an 85 which is amazing to me. No other exciting news to report.

So with the closing of the Olympics its bitter sweet. Its the end of another major sporting event but reality is setting in that I now have to commit to the gym and stop drinking. I am looking forward to getting into my gym routine and getting fit. I just need some motivation. Usually buying shoes, or gym clothes helps. 

So thats how my week went down….OHHHH and to top it all off I drove to like 8 places on Saturday to try and find this wax I use for my legs. Haha. I dont mind saying that because no one reads this. Yes, I wax my legs. I always have and I like it so kiss my gritz. So until I find it I am going to have to wear pants to the gym…FUK. If you read this far then you deserve to hear my secret.

Everyone enjoy their week and look forward to my 2 night recap of the Bachelor. Its going to be a good one

eat my shortsImage